“Why don’t you comb your hair?”

I love big, wild, curly hair. I always have. Watching old(er) school actresses like Tia and Tamera Mowry from Sister, Sister and Tracee Ellis Ross from Girlfriends was probably a big part of that. But, it was not until recently that I found the courage to wear my hair that way. Up until a short time ago, I thought the only way to wear my texture hair was in a slicked back bun or in two-strand twists. Even though these women were a part of what I saw often on TV, I never thought that my hair was “pretty” enough to be let down like that. In my mind, those styles were for the mixed girls with “prettier” hair.
 tia_tamera
It was not until my final year in high school when I started my hair journey that I was able to let go and let it out. I had been researching a great deal on natural hair; how to care for it and how our hair differs from other textures. I was also looking at different twist out and braid out techniques and saw how beautifully some of them came out. It was a couple months before I finally decided to try one.
I prepped my hair over night: moisturizing and sealing and meticulously placing the hair in chiney bumps (or bantu knots as Americans call them). Then, I took it down in the morning. It did not come out exactly how I wanted it to, but I worked with it and wore it to church. The whole time I was walking on the road and sitting in church I felt incredibly self conscious, like everyone was staring at me (mostly because they were).
At the time, the natural hair movement had not really hit my section of Jamaica yet. Many persons still believed that you either had relaxed straight hair, or you control your natural hair so it looks relaxed. I was one of the first girls in my town who did not have loose, silky ringlets to dare to wear my hair out.
After church, one of the older ladies took me aside and asked me “Why didn’t you comb your hair before you came to church?” My face fell. I was already self conscious and this lady was not helping at all. I mumbled some lame response about trying something new and scuffled away.
All I could think was “I spent hours on this hairstyle, it is combed!” I was genuinely hurt. I had gotten a few complements throughout the day about how thick and nice my hair was, but this was the only one I remembered. As much as it hurt my 18 year old self esteem, I did not try to tie my hair up to make it look more “presentable”.
For the rest of high school, I tried different protective hairstyles that I found on YouTube and more than once persons who asked me “You couldn’t comb yuh hair?” To be honest, my first tries at many styles were not too hot, sometimes they would come out frizzy or lopsided, but I was trying. Eventually, I started getting the hang of it and I felt more confident. It was worth it though, because the moisture and the new found care I had with my hair had it growing longer than it ever was before.
When I got to college, I realized that there were so many other naturals wearing their hair out and wild and I loved it. I was able to accept that my hair is beautiful and now I wear my hair out more often than not. Every now and again there is a noob that asks me why I don’t comb my hair, but now it does not even affect me. I love my wild mane way too much for that.

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Real Talk: Relationships, Sex, and Reputation

We are all so pumped, excited and ready to embark our new journey entering college. We come in full of expectations that may go unmet, a mind unopened to things that we’ve never faced, and a stranger to so many new personalities. Everyone that you meet will not come from the same walks of life as yourself.

So real talk, coming in as a teenage girl our minds are naturally engaged to the variety of the men around us. Let me just remind you that everything that looks appealing, may not be good for you. Every guy does not have your best interest in mind…even if he claims otherwise. Sex is a big deal in college. For many guys, that is all that they really want…or nothing at all. Good relationships are rare, and commitment is scarce. It is really difficult to build a relationship with someone within a semester when you’re meeting so many new faces each and every day. I will not say that it is impossible, but it is certainly unlikely. It is up to you to distinguish that in the guy that you are dealing with, as it is extremely important.

Body count, a term created in reference to the number of partners you have had, can make or break you. It is not logical to sexually encounter every guy you meet, so, when your body count begins to peak, your reputation begins to decline. You have to be mindful of the fact that what people think of you, sometimes matters more than you may want it to. You would never want information regarding your one-night stand getting back to someone who has any form of authority over you. Also, a misrepresentation of you can easily become the representation of who you are. You have now become that person, whether it is who you really are, or not.

It’s all about branding yourself, how people perceive you, and you have to be mindful of that. Your reputation is something that you should value, because it can and it will affect the legacy that you leave behind. Carry yourself accordingly. Don’t focus too much on building relationships with these guys that don’t want anything more than sex, and build more with those wanting to impact your life positively. Be mindful of the legacy that you want to leave behind, and maintain reputation that compliments your interest and what best represents who you are.

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